Lifeguard to the rescue...or NOT

For the past 10 weeks, I have been working at becoming a lifeguard. My plan is to finish all my lifeguarding stuff by next summer so I can be a lifeguard June 2010. This past monday, I had my final lifeguarding exam. I was schedualed to last from 6:30 - 10pm. WE were to know how to do CPR, rescue 3 victims (drowning non-swimmers, drowning weak swimmers, and unconcious victims) and spinals. There were 11 people in my class, including myself.

Throughout the 10 weeks of 3 hours a week of training, I became quite close with the people in my class. There was a girl named Kathleen (pronounced Catlin) who is asian and she's a speed swimmer. It was lots of fun being partnered with her during rescues because we were the best swimmers in the class :) and she's super funny.

So, this past monday, i had an exam that day, then i went to my lifeguarding exam, and the next morning, I had my social exam. The bad thing was, i hadn't started studying for my social exam. Since I had this lifeguarding thing all evening, it didn't really give me a chance to study. But at least I was getting this lifeguarding thing over, right?

So, throughout the entire lifeguarding exam, I felt i was doing great. I remembered everything, and the examiner didn't have to remind me of anything. The exam went overtime, finishing at 11pm. We were all exhausted, and I started stressing about the exam I had the next day. I was the last person to do my spinal rescue. I focused as best as I could, remembering everything. Then, after we got dressed, we had to wait in the pool lobby to be called into a room to find out if we passed or not. Everyone was anxious, and nervous to find out. I was the last person to find out. By that time, it was midnight. I was getting impatient, and tired. He called me in. "Hi nicole, You did extremely well in you exam. I was quite impressed. You definately showed confidence in every rescue and despite you got the hardest situations, you did great....but unfortunately I had to fail you because you did one mistake on your spinal." were the words he used.

"WHAT!?!!?!?!?!?!?!? I FAILED????? How that this be? What do you mean? My parents spent all this money, and I put in ALL this time, and I FAIL?????" is what was going through my mind. "Keep it together Nicole, don't cry! Whatever you do....DONT cry!!"

"What did I do wrong?" I managed to say. "Well, when you were carrying your victim in your spinal rescue, you weren't squeezing their arms tight enough. You had to support their neck more". The rest of what happened, I cannot tell you, for I have no clue myself what happened. All i can remember is that he handed me a piece of paper and a box of smarties and wished me goodluck.

As I left the room, with this HUGE lump in my throat, I went up to my dad, who had been somewhat impatient to go...I told him I fail. He didn't believe me. I showed him the paper.

When I got home, I just cried. I kept thinking to myself...."It's just lifeguarding". But then I thought about ALL the studying I could have done that evening. I cried myself to sleep.

In the morning, my eyes were so red from spending hours and hours in chlorine and from crying the night before. I woke up at 9:00am and started studying. I spent 30 minutes aswell praying. Praying that God would calm me and help me to focus and do well on my exam.

I feel pretty good about my social exam, considering I only studied for 2 hours. But what was really great, was that God took that sadness away from me about failing something I really worked hard at, and I felt his presence throughout the entire exam. :)

So, this weekend, I'm going to have to spend 10 hours, both doing the shortened course again and the exam. Life comes with failures. But God is always there when those failures come.

Stress

I've never really experienced stress in my life before. Yes, there have been times where things have BEEN stressful...but I've never really been stressed....at least as not as stressed as I am now.

Exams are in exactly 7 days. The teachers are PILING us with homework...is that even legal? I mean I am trying to get my homework done, nevermind exams!

I have 5 exams this year. English, Science, Bible, Social Studies and Math. I think that the bible and english one with be the easiest. All the others ones will probably be the hardest. Social Studies and Science are a lot of memorizing (which is my weakness!) and Math has always been one of my weaker subjects.

I have been stressed out for 2 or 3 weeks now...and being stressed 24/7 I think could almost be unhealthy to me! Like seriously.....I'm probably going to get wrinkles in 2 years because of how stressed I am. I wouldn't be surprised if I started getting gray hair!!!! Well, 14 more days until my last exam. So that means 14 more days of being completely stressed.

Within all of my studying for exams (which I haven't exactly started for yet), homework and other stuff, I have a lifeguarding exam coming up soon. If I do one thing wrong...I fail the course. Which would totally suck, because then I would have to do the 10 week course ALL over again!

I have been busy EVERY day this week. Today I even stayed home from school to get homework, projects and assignments and art projects and speech stuff done.

So ya, that's my life right now. I feel this huge weight on me right now. The sad thing is...is that I'm having trouble seeing God through it all. I know that if I lean on him, he will give me strength etc. But lately, I've been trying to do it all on my own....and that weight just keeps feeling heavier and HEAVIER. Please God! take this stress away!

Bible Reading

Every summer, I go and visit my dad's side of the family in Ottawa/Quebec. My grandparents have a cottage, along with a lot of other cottages on this huge property...and the family (one of my second cousins) own the whole property. Anyways, Every summer, my sisters and I go there to see all of our family that we haven't seen for a whole year. My dad's cousins also started this cousins camp. So, every summer, there is a one week camp held there for the cousins ages 0+ (anyone really can come:) so...Last summer we were challenged to set ourselves a goal (well, the kids over 13 years old) and my goal was to read the entire New Testament in one year. (except Matthew, Mark, Luke and John because I read those last year) so, I read Acts, Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 John, Philippians and part of Colossians. But even though I didn't finish the whole bible, I'm still so happy that I made time to read my bible and spend time with God. I really loved Romans and Philippians. Philippians is probably my favourite book of the bible right now. A few verses that stuck out to me were chapters 3: 12-14. It says:

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

That verse really stuck out to me...because in the past, I've sometimes had thoughts about not being good enough to get to heaven. Yes, I've heard those verses where they say, as long as you believe and have him in your heart etc. But there was something telling me that I needed to spend more time with God, serve him more and be a better person in order for him to love me more and to get to heaven. But reading that verse totally changed my thinking. Even PAUL, who was such a great man of God, even he, made mistakes, and admits and he has things HE needs to work on, yet he continues to press towards God.

Another verse that totally applied to me and this point of my life is chapter Phil. 4:6-9 (Message)

" 6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. "

Lately, I've been worrying about a lot of things.. Exams are coming up very soon, the track meet, what am I going to do when I'm older...and also, just focusing on the wrong things, like self image, or things that totally are not as important than spending time with God. This past weekend, I was nearly at my "exploding point" because I was just trying to do it ALL myself. I put God aside and just tried to juggle everything in my life. I didn't realize this, until I totally lost it, and felt COMPLETELY lost. So, I needed to be reminded that in order not to go through that, I need to set time aside everyday for God, because he should be the center of my day and whole life. And knowing that I can give all my worries to him is a HUGE relief!!! PHEWW!!

Baptism

WHOEVER BELIEVES AND IS BAPTIZED SHALL BE SAVED... Mark 16:16

On Easter, '09 April 12, I got baptized in the Mennonite Brethern Church.

This step that I took has probably been one of the biggest steps in my faith that I have taken so far. After just coming home from a missions trip (SOAR heartland...I'll talk about that another time) I felt like I was on top of a mountain...

I decided to get baptized for several significant reasons. First, I felt like I was staying in one place with God. I had stopped "walking" with God, and just stayed in one place. Our relationship just stayed the same. Nothing was changing...and I felt that to keep walking with God, I needed to take another step. Second, it wasn't just MY decision to get baptized, I felt God calling me to take this step. Over a period of about 3 months, I heard God's quiet whisper through prayer, reading my bible and through other people that he wanted me to take this step. And thirdly, I wanted to get baptized because I love God. I wanted to let everyone know that I do not go to chuch because my parents make me...it's because I want to be a Jesus's servant, and because I love God. I wanted to make my faith public...to let my church, friends and family know that this is MY decision to follow Christ, and no one else's.

MY BAPTISM TESTIMONY

Hi, I'm Nicole. My parents are Andrew and Moni Warren. I just turned 15 on April 4th and I'm in grade 9 at MBCI. I became a Christian when was about 4 or 5. I’ve been coming to McIvor Church my whole life and I love it here. I also want to thank my parents for introducing me to Jesus, to all of my Sunday school teachers, mentors and friends who have helped me grow in my faith. God has also blessed me with AMAZING friends, who have supported me and taught me so much.
Red Rock Bible Camp has been a significant part of my life. I have gone there for 5 years. Every summer I’ve gone has taught me so many new things about God. I also rededicated my life there when I was 11.
Last year, I was definitely challenged in my faith. It was the year after I quit speed swimming. Speed swimming took up a lot of my time, and it was my way of worshipping and honouring God. But when I quit, I felt that God had left me. I stopped reading my bible and sort of put other things before him. I experienced, for the first time, what it felt like to not have God as my number one priority.
Even though I had sort of ignored God, he did not forget me. It was through a verse I heard this past fall that made me realize that God will never stop loving me.
Hebrews 10:22. “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.”
I then began drawing closer to God again, as if I was reuniting with an old friend. God’s grace is so amazing. Even though I had rejected him, he forgave me and welcomed me with open arms.
Last week, I went on the SOAR heartland mission trip. One night, during session, the speaker was telling us that in order to live fully for God; we need to give everything to him, even our burdens. There was a wooden cross at the front, and he said that if we wanted, we could write our burdens on a piece of paper and tack it to the cross. I felt I needed to let go of the sadness I had about quitting swimming. I had to move on with God and realize that I personally don’t need swimming to worship or honour God. And letting that go was such a relief because I had been holding on to that for way too long.
I’m super excited about growing in my faith and in God because he is SO amazing. I’m looking forward to sharing my faith with others, serving God and also helping out in the community, with church and at school. So, today, by getting baptized I want to publicly say, to you as my church that I love God and he is my King and best friend.

Rain

I love rainy days. Today, as I stayed home from school since I am sick, I just sat in my kitchen, sipping hot chocolate in my favourite mug, looking out into my backyard and the cloudy sky. The rain slowly turned from rain to snow. And as I sat there, my mind began to wander.

How great God is that he sends these beautiful rain drops down to this Earth...falling into my backyard...

How great God is that he's blessed us humans with amazing nature to look at....

How great God is to use the rain to feed the little flowers in my mom's garden - giving my mom a break from doing it herself..

How great God is that he knows I love the rain, sending it on a day where I actually have time to sit back and enjoy it...

As I sat there, in my kitchen this rainy day, I sat there in awe of God, watching those rain drops fall....fall...fall to the ground. I thanked God for my warm house, for the breath I had just taken and for another day. Such a wonderful God has created such wonderful things!